watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
