i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.