I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I didn't shave. On purpose
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
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nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
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its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.