If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
