i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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