Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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