she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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