Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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