I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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