do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
