the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
