Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.