But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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