I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
