I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
