Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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