My sheets look like a crime scene.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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