Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
