Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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