this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
