I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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