got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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