Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
