Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
