Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
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Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
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I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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