This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
