i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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