just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The power of my boobs compel you
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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