If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
