so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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