Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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