If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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