Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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