Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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