you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
