In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I enjoy the company of your penis
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
