just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My vagina just clenched in fear
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
