i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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