He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
