So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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