fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
