I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
