did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
