i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
