I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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