quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
