I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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