i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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