There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
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He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
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I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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