She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
