I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
