I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
