I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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