Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
