Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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