At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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