Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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