i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
