so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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