would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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