Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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