great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
