he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
