I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
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You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
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You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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