im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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