She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
