apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
