how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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