I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Dear god my vagina.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
