i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
