Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
