I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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