she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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