I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
