yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
