i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
