Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
