I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
