you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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