I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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