just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
