Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
